thanksgiving: crushedglass

I'm frustrated and upset. I was crying earlier after getting off the phone with my mother. I feel criticized and like no one is going to like that I decided to do thanksgiving this year because I'm not going to do it right. I didn't realize there was so much a way to do things "right". But there is. So I've learned. So after hearing that I wasn't going to make the carrots right and my idea to do the mashed potatoes is wrong and that if *she* were making a dinner for a bunch of people she would make sure to make things the way that they liked. Then her phone died and I started crying. And then I took some bottles out to the garage and shut the door behind me. The locked door. Then I cried some more. Then I walked to the neighbor/tenant's house and asked her to use her phone. I talked to her while I waited for Matt to get here and was mostly calmed down by the time he arrived.

I feel like no matter what, I'm in the wrong here. I just wish that they would be happy I wanted to try instead of picking at me. And I can't say anything or Mary will just say she didn't know I was going to be so sensitive about it and next time she just won't say anything. I know it. The attitude will be that *I'm* reacting wrong.

Then Matt called me and asked me if I wanted them (he and his girlfriend) to come over and keep me company and bring pizza. I turned them down because I'm scared to meet his girlfriend. Because from all I've heard, she's awesome. Like super super mega awesome. And I am not. And so I am scared to meet her.

I have lots to do and it's already late. I'm not getting to sleep any time soon and I'll have to get up early tomorrow and then I have to work the next day and right now I just feel like crying some more and going to bed.

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