November 23rd, 2011

butterfles

BartholoMEW is gone.

I'm feeling so sad right now. And I'm stuck trying not to get all weepy at work.

He just declined so much in the last day. And I figured I would have to make plans to have him euthanized later today. I even left messages with the vet. But I couldn't skip work and I hated having to leave him so much. I just wanted to be there with him scratching his head and neck. He liked having me there and I hate that he had to be alone at the end.

I had a friend go check on him and he told me that he was gone. That he was stretched out and his eyes were closed, as though he fell asleep and didn't wake up.

I know that I gave him a better last 5 months than he would have had otherwise. He wouldn't have had *any* more time otherwise... But I feel so guilty that I didn't do more. Didn't do a better job. Didn't spend more time with him when I *was* home. :(