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yesterday didn't end well - ~*Crushed*Glass*~
crushedglass
crushedglass
yesterday didn't end well
It didn't start out too badly. I woke up early because of the cats. I accomplished a few things before I went to work. It was one of those mornings that things just kept frustrating me. Little things going wrong. But little enough things that they were quickly forgotten.

Work was work. After I got out, I came home to get picnic stuff together and hauled it all to g-ma's. We fixed our lunches and went out to the picnic table under the pine trees to eat them. For dessert there were strawberries and vanilla ice cream. The day was pretty hot and I didn't feel much like doing anything. I watched some little house on the prairie, had some tea, read a little, walked around the yard taking a few pictures. I was behind the house and head mr grandma say something to CK about flies all over him and when I looked, I saw bunches of flies that were depositing bunches of eggs on him. Ugh. So I scooped him up and took him in the bathroom for a bath. I had to put him in the bath tub and washed and washed. He didn't want to be in there but he didn't even struggle much. It made me so sad to see him so weakened. He hooked his claws over the side of the bath tub a couple times but I just unhooked his claws and put them back down and he just didn't have it in him to fight me. He lay down in the bottom of the tub and meowed a little. I just felt so sad to see him like that. It was especially noticeable how bony he is when he was wet. And he just looked so pitiful. I had a hard time washing him because there is so little meat on him and I had to lather him several times. Finally I thought I had pretty much gotten them and I wrapped him up in a couple big dry towels and took him to the living room to dry him with the gentle hair dryer. When I had him on his lap he purred and purred and sometimes he would knead a little. He seemed like he would be content to stay on my lap as long as I would have him. I tried combing him a bit to help with the drying and realized that I had missed a bunch of the eggs. They were on his back legs and feet and belly/butt area. So I combed and combed and got as many as I could off little by little. It was such slow going that eventually I washed his back end a little more in the sink and that got a lot more off but not all. I took him back to the living room with more fresh towels to dry him again/more. I think I finally got him mostly dry but there were still remaining eggs. I hope they won't hatch on him.

For a long time I sat with him on my lap in towels at first until he was pretty much dry and then on blankets and drying him gently with the hair dryer. He really just wanted to be by someone. As long as I was willing to hold him on my lap he would stay there and purr and be still and quiet. When I set him and the blankets down he got up and didn't seem to be able to get comfortable. He went to use the litter box once. Ran for it with more energy than I thought he had. I offered him formula and he drank a little tiny bit but that was it. When I left, he was on the blankets but I don't know if he stayed there. I told my grandma to baby him and make his last night as comfortable as possible.

I was crying when I had him in the tub and realized that he was really doing badly. He had lost some of that pluck that had helped me decide not to have him put down the last time I had him to the vet. He has lost even more weight, which I didn't think was even possible. Today, this morning, I will make the call and get him an appointment to be euthanized. I hate that it has come to this but I don't want him to suffer and I think his quality of life has gone down. And I will not have him eaten by maggots. Those flies were like vultures. I'll bring him home to be buried. We have a spot in the back.

I cried all the drive home, tried calling Steve but he didn't answer his phone. I just felt very sad and alone and didn't have any real way of talking it out. When I got home I took a shower and put the clothes I had been wearing in my dirty clothes bin. I tried to brush all the eggs off of me when I was outside but it all needed to be washed anyway. I brought home a load of towels to do for my grandma. I put them in the washer. Steve came home after that. He had been talking to Pat outside but didn't tell me what was said. I wanted to know but didn't feel like forming the sentences it would have taken to get him to tell me so I just asked him to put the towels in the dryer for me and then into the clean trash bag I had put down there. Then I went to bed. I didn't sleep quickly or easily and the night was filled with troubling dreams I don't remember.

I don't expect good things out of today either.

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Comments
From: honeybeehill Date: June 27th, 2008 12:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww. I'm very sorry to hear this. :(

At least though he will not be suffering any longer. You have an incredibly big heart to take care of him like this.
crushedglass From: crushedglass Date: June 27th, 2008 11:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. I just do the things that need to be done.
risala From: risala Date: June 27th, 2008 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry. That's heartbreaking :( I'll be thinking of you today.
crushedglass From: crushedglass Date: June 27th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. I appreciate that.
josephwaldman From: josephwaldman Date: June 27th, 2008 03:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ohhh . . . so sorry to hear this. It's always tough when you lose an animal. But, look, you gave him all the help and love you could. At least he got that much. There's nothing wrong, and everything right in the world, with doing that much for our animal mates.

crushedglass From: crushedglass Date: June 27th, 2008 11:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you.
psychokitten76 From: psychokitten76 Date: June 27th, 2008 10:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry hon. I haven't been reading your journal for long, but it is so obvious how much you love the kitties, and you take such amazing care of them.

Take care of you, too xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
crushedglass From: crushedglass Date: June 27th, 2008 11:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you. It's hard sometimes, but I wouldn't be able to not do it.
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