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~*Crushed*Glass*~

Today is going to be a very long work day. In fact, this week is going to be a very long work week! I have a lot of overtime to make up for because I wasn't able to get as many hours last week as I would have liked. I stayed up late late talking to the Yeti. And it seemed like a great idea at the time! But now, now it feels like it was a bad idea for my overall well-being. I ended up with only around five hours of sleep. And beginning part wasn't good really. It was kind of restless. And after an hour or so, I got up to take a tablet that I can't remember the name of because I'm so tired. But it is the thing that I take when my legs are feeling all restless and I can't seem to stop flip flopping when I'm trying to sleep. It will come back to me. Maybe after I post this. Which would be the least optimal time. Magnesium! That's what it is!

I was going to put chili in the crockpot this morning but I somehow did not have enough time or ambition to do so. So maybe I will do that tomorrow morning? I will have to eat something at some point though. I bought a lot of breakfast burritos so those are in my freezer. I don't know when I will have time to actually make one. I will have an hour in between the overtime and when I start my regular shift but I was going to go to my grandmas. I will find a way to both eat and go to my grandma's. Maybe I'll take a breakfast burrito with me! Who knows? This is probably not such an important thing for me to waste so much energy trying to figure it out right now. That is several hours away.

I don't really have too much else of note today. Yesterday was kind of a lazy lonely day for most of it. I went to Walmart and I got to hang out with Mikale a little bit in the evening. My head didn't hurt. That was good. And at the end of the night, not only did I talk to the Yeti for a while, I also watched a little bit of TV! I caught up on my episode of izombie, and also watched one of the five or six episodes of new girl that somehow appeared without me noticing.

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I woke up this morning with a headache. And nothing I wanted to throw at it seemed to help.  so that sucked. Because it meant that it stuck around all day. On the bright side, I did have the chance to shower for a change. And not only that, I washed my hair and I shaved my legs! How about that! I was going to put on makeup but then I felt yucky and just thought fuck it.

I went to Kroger and mostly impulse bought a bunch of food. That hopefully I can manage to not eat instantly. I have been awful this week PMSing like crazy and just wanting to eat all the things. All of them. And I have been so irritable! I also got my grandma a gallon of milk and took that over to her. And when I was there, I help her out with some things. Took out trash, scooped the litter boxes, made the bed, hung out with her for a while.

I picked up Mikale on my way home and he hung out in my attic live streaming the drawing of one of his comics. I have better internet. Plus I think his dad was being a tool. I also repainted my nails with the magic nail polish. And now they are lovely again. I had peeled it all off yesterday.

I talked to the Yeti most of the day, and that was nice. We have a lot of things in common. I dig it.

Tonight, I went to see Room. It was good. I'm glad because I had really high hopes having loved the book.

It's a little after one now and I hope I don't sleep in too late tomorrow. I don't want to waste the whole day. I have a lot of overtime coming up next week and the week is going to feel endless. At least I suspect so. So I want to squeeze every last drop out of my day of freedom. Especially because today kind of sucked because of my headache.

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Isn't it always though? I've been really bad about journaling for a very very long time. I do tend to post on Twitter quite a bit and for the last couple of years I have been taking nightly notes in a small booklet calendar. So that amounts to usually four or five lines about the day. Which is better than nothing, right?

So I'm thinking that I might try to do this through talk to text. It's not perfect, but again I'm thinking that it's better than nothing. And it might get me journaling a little more. I'm not very often in front of a real computer (at least not aside from work) and typing things out on my phone is very long and tedious. But really, with the exception of needing to do some correcting as I go, talk to text is not bad. And with this new phone, it's even better than it used to be.

On Monday, my grandma was trying to get something out of the freezer. And she was standing on her small footstool. She must have lost her balance and she tried to hold on to the part of the freezer door that holds things in it. It's like a bar? But it's held in with plastic. I'm explaining that terribly. But they are on freezer doors. I'm not sure if she was just using it for balance generally or if she grabbed it because she lost her balance, but it broke. And she fell. She didn't seem to be doing too badly that day or the next. She was having a bit of pain on Wednesday when we went to her hair appointment. And then today, it has seemed really bad. She lets out squawks and yells when she moves. She's had a hard time getting comfortable to be able to rest. And so I'm worried that she may have fractured a rib or something. I'm hoping not. I'm hoping she's just very bruised because at her age it can take a very very long time to heal. in the meantime she's in some terrible pain. But because of her heart condition, I always worry about what kind of pain medication she can really take. And she's having a hard time really moving around so I know getting her in to get x-rayed is going to be awful and I don't know when or how or where to get that done.

In order to qualify for an incentive at work, I've been working some overtime. I have to get in a certain number of hours in a certain time frame in order to qualify for the extra bonus amount of money. And so that also makes things more challenging because I have to be at work more so I'm just not as available. And I'm only through the first of two weeks of it. Next week is going to be even worse. Very long days. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Hopefully the money will be worth it.

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So this morning, I went for my interview at the insurance company. I went through two information/orientation sessions before this. It sounds like something that I could see myself wanting to do... just not yet. Not right now. And the dude agreed that financially, I'm not in a position to do this anyway. So we more or less mutually rejected each other. But he gave me his card and invited me to call him when/if I'm more in a position to pursue it. This was more or less how I hoped it would go.


Now I'm going to go through as much of my Indeed saved list as I can before work. And I think I would like to eat something. So maybe I'll try to make time to cook some delicious breakfast foods too.

Last night, I somehow got the idea to see if my old angelfire site was still online. It is, and it's ridiculous. It felt like a bit of a time capsule. I was looking at my old journal entries, pre-LJ and pre-blogging. I don't know if now me would have been able to stand then me. I worried about a lot of stuff that I probably shouldn't have worried about. Also, my then-boyfriend was a serious jerk! Why did I not see that??

I was trying to go through it on my phone though, which was difficult with the way I had it designed. So many frames! I'll have to pull it up on a bigger screen when I have the time.

Currently feeling: determined determined

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There are so many things that I need to get done. And that my g-ma needs me to get done for her. And no time to do most of it. There are about 19 jobs that are currently saved in my indeed list (some of them for over a week) to be applied for. I have 3 jobs that I did apply for that also have necessary assessments to go along with them that I need to complete. My grandma, her cats, and her dog all have no food. I have needed to do laundry for weeks. Maybe even a couple months now. My house is filthy. I need household items from the store (laundry soap, hand soap, cleaning supplies, etc.) I have a bunch of training to get through for this side job I picked up recently.

Also, I'm hungry, and have been migrainey for the last few days. Complete with recurring aura. Fucking fantastic.

Also also, I talk to unpleasant and/or stupid assholes all day.


In about an hour, I leave to start my day of talking to assholes.

Currently feeling: grumpy grumpy

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It would seem that my resolve to go back to daily journalling lasted all of one day. I have a computer at home again now so perhaps I can get back to it. I'm always torn when I take long breaks from writing. Do I try to play catch-up? Do I just pick up with now and add in relevant stuff if need be? That's usually what I end up doing.


Where I am right now, generally:

  • Working full time (40 hours/week)
  • Working part time (8 hours/week)
  • Trying to run a photography business (just picked up my first client for this year last week. eesh.)
  • Just picked up another part time gig (commission only, sort of sales)
  • Tending to g-ma things (she was recently in the hospital again and it was really bad and really scary. She's scheduled for a pacemaker, which also scares me, on the July 24th.)
  • Searching for new jobs to hopefully allow me to work less and still live and stuff
  • Thinking about gardening (bought plants. they are still in their store-pots on my porch. also planning Biscuit Memorial Catnip Garden, hopefully to be started/planted on what would have been his 7th birthday (July 8th))


Today I am working, applying for jobs, sending off last week's session's proofs to print, and going shopping for cat food for g-ma's cats.

I have thoughts about photography stuff but it will mostly be me complaining about not having enough time or money and I'm not sure I want to bother. Wait. Yes, I kinda do.

So in order to make my business successful, I really need to put a lot more time and money into it. But working so much means that I don't have enough time to put into it and life makes it so that I don't have enough money to put into it. If I could do better with the business, I might be able to do that more and work the other jobs less but how am I ever to find out at the rate things are going?? This is tiring and frustrating and ugh.
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Typing this out on my phone isn't ideal but beats not typing it out at all.

 

I decided to start a life list and one of the items is to go back to daily journalling. So here goes. Entries may be brief, phone typing and all. But I'd like to have at least some documentation of my life. I'll wonder some day.

 

Yesterday I took my g-ma to the credit union since our attempt the day before was a failure. Their servers were down so there was little they could help us with. Yesterday was much more successful.

 

I picked up Mikale first, after having tom wake him up. We went to g-ma's, then the CU, then Kroger to buy money orders, lottery tickets, and a few grocery items.

 

Got back and she remembered that she had no dig food and needed envelopes for bill mailing. So I dragged Mikale with me and off we went to Family Dollar.

 

That left me just enough time to go home and eat, quickly shower, and go to work.

 

I got home last night and caught up on True Blood. Stayed up too late.

 

I woke up today with a headache. Accidentally poked a hole in Biscuit's new fluid bag so I'll have to open another new one tomorrow, which wastes three days of fluid. Grrr.

 

I went back to bed but foolishly didn't take drugs first so when I finally got up at 12:30, my head still hurt. So I had drugs, coffee, and food. It helped a little.

 

Work now. ugh.

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It is hot again today. I need to go to the store to buy cat food. And I should probably go and buy cream for my coffee. I don't want to do either of these things. Because I will sweat a lot. But ugh. Both need to be done. The kitty food especially. Maybe taking a shower will help me feel less gross.
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So it looks like Billy is getting the 6 months redemption. Which is good. Because that will mean I have time to find somewhere to live! I'm down as a tenant. But at this point, no proof of renting has to be shown.
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http://www.flickr.com/photos/angelle321/sets/72157630450622194
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Woke up this morning feeling all sweaty and slimy. Bleah. And then Biscuit wanted to be all snuggly. Adorable. But so hot!

I need to get moving though. Get showered and dressed and out the door. I need to stop at the store and pack things up to go hang with the family. Tonight will be fireworks! And that always makes me happy. Mary has an awesome spot for watching too so that makes it even better.

So there's a house in bport that looks like a possible bet for g-ma. She and Mary went to see it yesterday. She didn't reject it outright, though I think it's a bit closer to a busy road than she'd like. But to get an affordable place in Bridgeport is not the easiest thing. So hopefully, if everything else about it checks out, she'd be able to handle that part.

Nothing else to report here.

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I'm having difficulty with this house thing. Because there are so many different ways to go with it. My grandma and I could end up separate, or together, but the house choices in either case would be so very different. The two I posted about are just-for-me houses. Though Mary and I have also looked at/discussed some me/g-ma options.

With the two I just posted about, I'm having a difficult time. The one is a better choice in a lot of ways. Better condition, better neighborhood. But it's so small. And I just... feel so totally meh about it. I don't DISlike it. But I have no feelings of like for it either. It does have some really good points.

But the other one, I actually like. But it has more bad points! Ugh! But I like it! But one does need to look at practical things like neighborhood and resaleability too. But do you look at those those things over things like enjoyment of your living space? Or how much living space you end up with? I have no idea.

So I've been trying to get some other opinions. Just to see if there are things that I haven't thought of. I don't know how long I would be wherever I end up. So it could be a fairly short time, or not. Things change all the time. Sometimes in a good way, sometimes not.
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I linked to the listing pages. There are more details in the Addendums as well.

McEwan [link]

Positives
good roof
enclosed porch
nice garage
nice yard
deck
non-basementy basement
semi finished upstairs
very few repairs needed
decent neighborhood
central air
good sized suite for Biscuit
garage door opener

Negatives
small
small kitchen
carpet
traffic noise
meh feelings



Carolina [link]

Positives
larger
good feelings
more attractive interior
wood floors throughout
larger upstairs
back porch
larger kitchen
potential
dishwasher hookup
better roof


Negatives
no air
basementy basement / water
no water heater (would need to purchase)
original windows
needs kitchen sink hardware
needs 220 stove outlet (has hookup for gas)
bare yard
garage door damaged
potential chimney issues (brick looks a little rough? don't know the right words)
neighborhood in decline


house positives and negatives

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Looking forward to a day off tomorrow. I have an appointment to look at a house at 1 tomorrow afternoon. There was another that I called about that is already spoken for. The more I checked out that listing, the more of a disappointment it is that it's gone.
It was big, in decent shape, decent neighborhood, and under 20k.

We got free food at work today. Always a good thing. I may not even need the salad I packed for today.

I made myself stay up this morning after giving Biscuit his fluids. I managed to take a real shower for a change! And I made it to the store to buy some food. And cream for my coffee.

Mary sent me a few more houses to check out. I wonder if some of them might also work for me alone if my grandma and I ended up separate. I don't see why not. I hope I don't end up just settling for something only to have something better come along. I guess that just a necessary gamble. I have to hope I and up with something that I can tolerate. I would have preferred to go home. But it appears that it just wasn't to be.

I'm not sure why Maria and her mother refuse to adcnowlege me when I say hi lately. I don't understand. I do look forward to leaving there.

It is so hot today. It's cold here in the office but driving here was roasty. I talked to my grandma on the way here and my ear /the side of my face ended up all sweaty.

not sure what to do with the rest of my day off tomorrow. Maybe I'll check out the outside of some properties. It's a start. And read. I think I'll do some reading. I'm making my way through the Clan of the Cave Bear series again. I'm about 88% through the second book. I think there were six in all. One or two will be new to me.

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Talked to Mary today. I think it was an apology call. We ended our talk last night kind of grumpily. My grandma had another house she wanted to look at. It's on Janes, which has the potential to be very tough and dangerous. But there are better pockets. The listing makes it sound like it has potential. 4 bedrooms, walk in closets, air (I think) fireplace (l think), partially finished basement, wood floors. Also has a barn w/ electricity that's rented out for $150 per month. But Mary said it doesnt look like the pictures at all and is in a bad area and is a no go. Sad! Because it looked like it had so much potential! It gives me hope that maybe there is something out there that will work. I guess I should start doing my own initial drive by / walk arounds. I don't necessarily need someone with me for that.
I'm hungry. I have yesterday's dinner here at work that I didn't end up eating. But I'm without food at home. I should probably go shopping tonight or tomorrow morning.
It's weird how different people get different sides of someone. Mary said my grandma is unhappy all the time. But she doesn't come across that way to me usually at all.
Weekly meeting in a few minutes. Sunglasses are out in my car because I forgot that it might be today. It's so bright out in that little courtyard! So, so bright.

Less than an hour left. Perhaps tomorrow I can drag myself out of bed at a reasonable hour and get something done for a change. I need to start looking at real estate, I need to go shopping. I don't have any food.

I'm going to keep hoping that good things will eventually come my way.

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l miss taking photos. Taking and sharing. It has been so long since I've done it with any regularity. It was once so much a part of my every day. All kinds of things have changed since then though. Mary said that my grandma has seemed different lately. Not like herself. She hasn't wanted her kitties sleeping with her and has been particularly hard on Brother. Saying that he smells bad & not wanting him near her. She also told Mary that she didn't want to take him to the vet. Yet she told me that she wanted my carrier. I'm not sure I want to know what her plan is. I don't want to give up or Brother yet!.
We're starting to look at / think about real estate again. It's hard for me to do. I don't particularly want to be anywhere. But I suppose there are better places to not want to be than the place I am now. Where I am now is available for a limited time anyway. I should probably start scheduling some walk throughs.
l bought yogurt and trail mix on the way to work. They were both unsatisfying. But at least I'm not hungry. So there's that. I had kind of forgotten how much I do not like yogurt. Bleah. I have salad for tonight and that should actually be good.
Soon it will be time for the night people to come in and time for me to get out my headphones! One of these days I should get a larger capacity micro SD Card so I can fit even more music on there. I love that music helps my shift pass more quickly and easily than It would without.
l slept until noon again. I shouldn't have but I was up too late again last night. Both of these need to stop happening. It's so hard though!
At night there is reading to do! Then I'm tired!

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My back kinda hurts. I must have moved wrong somehow because that's what it feels like.

I talked to my grandma earlier. She is glad to be home. I am glad she's home. She said she slept most of today but woke up feeling pretty good.

I've done a lot of reading today. I also spend a lot of time taking pictures of Biscuit.

Instagram pics: http://statigr.am/angelle321

6-24-12 sleepy Biscuit

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l was up a little bit later than I intended to be last night. But I feel fairly well rested to day.
I looked up information on medical alert devices. There is one that looks to be pretty good. They offer yearly, quarterly, and monthly plans. It's around $240 for the year. I think it's worth considering. My grandma had such a hard time because she wasn't near a phone and had to crawl up two flights of stairs to get to Harry.
I'm glad to have two days off. Not because I like days off much lately - I usually spend them depressed and moping - but because it will mean I don't have to be at work. That much, at least, is good.
We did our team meeting outside.It's super nice out. There are dark gray clouds moving in. It looks like it will rain soon. I tried posting an lnstagram picture of the sky but I couldn't get it to post.
Lisa emailed me about a possible evening shift for tomorrow, won't trust it until I hear from Dave though. Would be nice to get a little more advance notice.
I got myself up and out of bed early enough to get the trash out and they didn't even take it. Grrrr. Bastards.
I was on my way out and didn't get the chance to look at the sticker they left on the can.
l said hi & waved to Maria on my way out but she didn't acknowledge me at all. This is the third time so I'm thinking that I'm not imagining things and that really happened. I have no idea what's up with that though.
I need to get ahold of Billy about the notice I found stapled to the porch. It would be good to know of I need to panic about housing again. I hope we can get it worked out to give me the 6-7 months more. It's not ideal but it beats having nowhere to go by far.

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Written throughout the day with my livescribe pen.

Today I woke up to my phone ringing at 5:40 am. It Was Harry and he left me a voicemail telling me that my grandma is back in the hospital. She couldn't breathe around 4 am. She was sleeping in the basement because it's cooler down there and woke up short of breath. She crawled up 2 sets of stairs because Harry couldn't hear her yelling for him. It took the ambulance 25 minutes to get there and I think both she and Harry were worried that she wasn't going to make it. I hate to think what would have happened if she had passed out before getting upstairs. I slept on and off until around 10ish? 11 ish? I know when I woke up, I was sweary because it was later than I wanted it to be. I'm so tired. I did get up to see her and stayed for an hour or so. She's mostly worried about the cats, as usual.
I imagine today is going to feel very long. I am so tired. I also have some training from 3.30 to 5. It will probably be boring
And good gravy, was it ever! So boring. But better than chatting I suppose.
My feet hurt. I'm wearing cute shoes but they are not comfortable to walk in at all. :( I decided to wear a dress today because it has been so hot. But it's a little cold in here. It sucks dressing for in here but still having to wear the same thing out there.
Had one of those crazy panic / dream / hallucinations that I used to get when I first got Muffin and Biscuit. Woke up around 4 am, which, incidentally, was when my grandma was having her problems, and I saw a huge spider dangling from the ceiling, silhouetted against the blind. Hate that. Takes me a bit to realize it's not real.
It happened with some regularity back when they started and only in that brief time when they were young and I was stressed and getting so little sleep. It has happened periodically since. But it's rare. It's always huge spiders. Dangling from the ceiling. Or in webs right over me. And it's so alarming. Because you see it. And it's so real. And then you fully wake up and slowly realize that it can't be real. Ugh. Awful.

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This will be my test. I think I like how the pen feels. The real test will be when converting to text. If that works, then I'm totally sold. At the very least, I think it will be a fun toy.
Sitting here with my music / headphones on can almost make it feel like I'm here alone. It helps. Otherwise, I'm so irritable lately! I kind of get annoyed with almost everybody. Unfortunate for them. Not that they know
Trying to come up with different ways that I can use this pen. So far I've come up with: 1. Journalling and blogging 2. Client ordering 3. Letter writing
That's not many things. A bit of a disappointment!
l did figure I'll use one section of this notebook for personal journal/blog and the other sections for other blogs. Maybe one for Product Whore and one for dontstompthekitty. Maybe. Not sure how easy that would be.
It's nice to have a project. I haven't felt very inspired lately.
I was trying to load the bloggess book club but the internet is rarely cooperative on my phone here. Grrr.
I have strawberries next to me in a bag. They smell delightful.
I do look forward to playing with this pen later. Or, rather, with the software. I just want to know how well it works. If it was a worthwhile purchase.
In the end, I just want to get better about writing. Get better at writing. It's too sad to want to be a writer and not be able to write. :( <- sad face

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thought having this app on my phone would help me update more. it would seem that this is not the case.

 

not much to report.

 

unhappy. hating everything.

 


vague sense of anxiety today.

 

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Biscuit and I are snuggling here in bed. he doesn't want to get up and neither do I. but I have to get ready for work. bleah.

 

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Currently feeling: lazy

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Current Location: park!, 43.4402,-83.9953
Currently feeling: thoughtful thoughtful

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trees at the park, originally uploaded by angelle321.

I am at the park. It's a pretty day.

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new phone, lj app to go with it! I am pleased. you may hear more out of me now.

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Current Location: Saginaw, Delaware St,

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